


Geronimo

by friendsisagoodshow



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: ( WILL UPDATE TAGS AS I GO ALONG ), (Mostly) Established Relationship, Angst, Fluff, M/M, Nightmares, Probably Pining idk, bros lovin eachother, is this meremy? who knows, trans!jeremy, trans!michael, vent - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-22
Updated: 2017-10-08
Packaged: 2018-12-05 13:32:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11579082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/friendsisagoodshow/pseuds/friendsisagoodshow
Summary: Short one/two chapter stories with boyf riends cause i love them





	1. Always Prepared

It seemed like class wouldn’t ever end, and staring at the clock ticking by only made everything slower. Jeremy’s hand had started to go numb, with the way his head was being help up. Sitting up straight again, he shook his hand, accidentally smacking it against the edge of his desk.  
“OW!”

All the other students in the math class turned to look at him, including his teacher. “Mr. Heere?”

“O-Oh, I’m fine. I-I hit my hand on the-”

“Stop stuttering Jeremy.”

A small voice behind him, interrupted and he turned to see Christine staring at him, almost emotionless.

“What?”  
“I said stop stuttering.”

Christine spoke to him with no inflection in her voice. Glancing back around at the students around the class, they all were giving him the same stare as Christine was. He felt his face begin to flush, as he cleared his throat.

“U-Uhm.. What’s going-”

Interrupted for the second time, a deep laugh came from behind him, and his blood ran cold. Turning to face Christine, his breath hitched. An all too familiar, and slightly famous, face now sat where Christine was sitting a few seconds ago.

Locking eyes with the man who haunted him still, his eyes began to sting as tears welled up.

“Crying already, Jeremy. That’s even more pathetic than when we first met.”

His SQUIP’s voice was still corrupted as the last time he heard it, and a wicked smile grew on his face. His heart pounding in his ears, he felt himself slip into a complete upright position, his spine straight as he stood up. Looking around the class again, it was deserted, and he was trapped here alone with the Keanu look-alike.  
“What did I tell you son? You cannot get rid of me that easily.” The SQUIP stood up, walking towards Jeremy, as he took steps backwards to get away from him.

“I-I..I shut you off.. Michael and I, we..we saved everyone..”  
He stuttered out, gasping for breath in between words.

“That’s what you thought! I’m always going to be in your mind.”

The SQUIP right in Jeremy’s face now, a hand on the boy’s head, to emphasize his point.

“And I’m NEVER leaving.” His smile grew wider, and Jeremy let the tears spill over, flinching away from the man above him, all too real.

 

When Jeremy opened his eyes again, it was dark, and everything seemed fuzzy. Blinking to clear his eyes, he heard the sound of two pairs of deep breaths in the room, and his eyes focused on the terrified stare of Michael, who was gripping him by the shoulders tightly.

“..Michael?”

“God, Jeremy, are you okay? What the hell happened man, you started whining in your sleep and then you just screamed, like, really loud. What were you dreaming about?”

Jeremy’s head was still swimming with the fog of sleep and his dream right in the edges of his mind.

“I was...dreaming?”

“Yeah man.”

Michael let go of his shoulders as he moved backwards to sit on the end of Jeremy’s bed, crossing his legs. Jeremy sighed, crossed his legs as well, and looked out the window beside the bed in silence.

“W-Well...he came back.”

“..what? You mean HE came back?” Jeremy just nodded, wiping his face with the front of his shirt. His breathing was leveling out, and he took long shuddering breaths.

“Michael, do you think the SQUIP is still...in my head..?”

Jeremy voiced his fears, and turned to look at his friend. Michael seemed to be lost in thought, having put his glasses back on. The silence in the room was becoming loud as he waited for an answer.

“Honestly? I have no clue. It traveled through your blood, there could still be traces of it in there.”  
He spoke finally, looking up into Jeremy’s red eyes.

“What..what if he comes back? Wh-What if I can’t talk to you again?! If he’s, IT’S, still in there, it could just come back right?” Jeremy had begun to curl in on himself, a habit that was very hard to get rid of, and a sign he was beginning to panic.

“Hey, Jer, we’re not going to let that happen.” Michael moved forward now, lightly holding onto Jeremy’s wrists to ground him. Jeremy felt his face warm up at the warm touch in the cold room.

“There’s nothing the SQUIP can do to you, now that we all know what happened and especially now that I come fully prepared everywhere.”

(Beat)

“What does that mean? “Fully prepared””

Quirking an eyebrow, Michael leaned over the bed and dragged his backpack in his lap. Reaching in, he pulled out a bottle.

“You carry Mountain Dew Red EVERYWHERE?”

“Of course I do! You can never be too cautious, Jeremy.” He snickered, putting the bottle back into the bag and letting it drop onto the floor beside the bed.  
Jeremy chuckled, already feeling much better about his nightmare. He didn’t think he’d ever be rid of the fear of the SQUIP, but if he had Michael with him, he felt a whole lot safer. Smiling back towards his friend, he felt his eyes sting once more as tears welled up. Jeremy reached out and hugged Michael tightly, feeling tears travel down his cheeks.

“Thank you..”

(Beat)

“Any time, babe.”


	2. Broken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> basically some vent using boyf riends because I'm sad and michael is me these past few days lmao

Player 1: hey man so ik its fuckin like 3 am or some shit but i dont really knwo what else to do rn 

Player 1: im having a crisis dude idk why today has been the worst day for me and i figure somebody i trust should know if i fuckin off myself or some shit haha

Player 1: that was morbid, im too much of a pussy to commit suicide so dont worry man i just

Player 1: ,, i really wanna die jeremy if a bus hit me tomorrow i’d be 100% ok with that im just 

Player 1: im going to go to bed now sorry dude, sleep well and if you don’t see me at school tomorrow im just gonna take that day off to chill idk i need some alone time gn bud

Michael sighed, wiping a tear from the corner of his eye and closed out of the messenger app. His tears had begun to dry over the past hour and how he was just left feeling hollow and exhausted. His messages wouldn’t be read till the next morning, and Jeremy would freak out and call Michael to see if he was okay, and Michael wouldn’t answer because he’d be asleep until 12 pm. He groaned at the lecture he was bound to get from his friend but didn’t care enough to worry about it. Rolling onto his side, Michael shifted uncomfortably at the way his chest was pressed, and began playing some youtube video on his phone to fall asleep to. He’d deal with everything at some point tomorrow. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He didn’t expect tomorrow to come so soon. The sun flittered through the blinds beside his bed and Michael groaned, turning his head so he didn’t go blind. Blinking slowly, the world still remained blurry and he reached under his pillow to find his phone which was turned off, and he never understood how his phone was clicked off every night when he knew he slept with it on but that is beside the point. Squinting at the small screen, he saw three missed calls from “Player 2” and about 7 texts unread. Swiping open his phone, he began to read and type out Jeremy’s panicked texts when his door swung open. First off, his family was not home so his initial panic was ‘WHO THE FUCK IS IN MY HOUSE’ and when he saw a fuzzy Jeremy standing in the doorway in an oversized shirt and sweatpants, his second panicked thought was ‘FUCK HE’S HERE, NOW I HAVE TO FESS UP.’ The second thought was more terrifying than the first, because hey maybe if it was an intruder he would get shot or something. No, but now he had to face his boyfriend and the shit he said last night (this morning?). 

“Michael..?” His thoughts were interrupted with a weight shifting by his knees as Jeremy sat down on his bed. Rolling over and sitting up, Michael pulled his legs beneath him and reached over for his classes on his desk. “How’d you sleep?” 

“Fine. What about you?” 

“Yeah I slept alright.” Jeremy looked down at his hands, fidgeting in his lap, as silence fell between the two. 

“Um. Thanks for not killing yourself or anything last night.. by the way..” Jeremy clearly wasn’t comfortable with the thought, and saying the words must have been pretty unsettling. Michael couldn’t imagine what he’d do if he had to say them to Jeremy like that. 

“Oh. Uh, no problem I guess. Heh..” 

Neither of them wanted to say it, but Michael felt like the silence was choking him more than anything else. His mind was still clogged with intrusive, negative thoughts, and sleep, so he just sat there and stared at the boy in front of him. 

“Michael.. Can you talk to me about..about what you meant l-last night..?”

Thank god Jeremy said it before he had to. 

“Not without having a breakdown, but I’m sure you guessed that. Um. I guess I do owe you something, I just don’t really know where to start..”

“Just, say what you’re thinking right now?”

“I’m thinking I shouldn’t have texted you last night and bothered you with my stupid, shitty problems.” Michael spoke his mind softly, looking down at his own hands and clenching one fist tightly. Tears began to obstruct his vision, and he took his glasses off again, wiping at his eyes. 

“I..I’m thinking how much of a fucking disgusting human being I am, and how you’d be a hell of a lot better off without me dragging you down with me into this pit. I’m thinking I should just stop eating, stop leaving my room, and stop talking to you about things like this because I’m not worth it.” Michael’s voice became softer, and his knuckles were going white with how hard he was digging his fingers into his palm. A tentative hand rested itself on top of his own, coaxing him to release his death grip and intertwine their fingers together loosely. He couldn’t look at Jeremy right now. 

“Michael I.. I’m sorry.. I-I don’t know w-what to say I..” Jeremy went silent again, the stifled sobs Michael was holding back being the only sound in the room. 

“Jeremy, I hate myself. I..I h-hate myself so m-much.. and.. and I can’t fix any part of myself. I know you love me, and thank you for that, I appreciate it, but nothing you or anyone can say will make this any better. It feels like I just want to gouge my eyes out so I don’t have to look at myself anymore. So I don’t have to see all my features that are t-too soft and round and fat.. I can’t look in my mirror, I can’t stand even seeing my shadow.. Isn’t that sad? Pity the poor trans kid who hates who he is, even though there’s not much he has to complain about. I..I know my problems are small and stupid, but fuck if they don’t hurt…” 

Hands were wrapped around Michael’s back as he let himself be coaxed into a one sided hug. His arms hung at his side, as his head rested against Jeremy’s shoulder, tears staining his shirt and collar bone. Shaking hands began to run gently up and down his back, one traveling to his messy hair and combing through it. 

“Michael, I know you hate who you are. I..I can see it, all the time, and that..that kills me. I know nothing I could say will help so.. so just let it out okay? I’m here for you, so say anything or don’t.. no matter what, I..I love you. A lot. 

And there the two of them sat, crying with each other in silence, Michael’s arms coming around to eventually grip Jeremy’s shirt tightly. Nothing was said, for a long time, as Jeremy held his broken boyfriend, and he would hold him for as long as he needed. He knew Michael would do the same for him, so he gladly sat there and let the tan boy cry to his heart’s content. Hearing the cracked sobs come out of his best friend’s mouth hurt his heart in so many ways, and he wished there was more he could do. After what felt like three hours and ten minutes at the same time, Michael pulled back and rested his forehead on Jeremy’s, holding both his hands in his own. 

“I’ve.. I’ve actually already been t-trying to starve m-myself…” he whispered. 

“Mikey.. you..you can’t do that to yourself.. pl-please..” 

“When I eat, I feel..disgusted at myself… What else am I supposed to do..?” 

“There are healthier ways to lose weight if that’s what you think you want to do, but.. but that is the worst thing to do. It doesn’t work.. “

Shrugging, Michael tugged his hands away from where Jeremy had been rubbing his thumb across his wrist gently. 

“I don’t really care at this point.” He knew his voice was dark, and seeing the worry in Jeremy’s eyes made him feel something, but right now all Michael wanted was to go back to bed. 

“Jeremy, thank you for coming over but.. I’m really tired okay..? Can we just, lay down together? Talk about all this shit later.. Please..” 

“..Sure.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> possibly going to make a chapter 2 to this, so we'll see. if you want the resolution to this i'll do it lemme know in the comments


	3. Broken ( Part 2 )

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael wakes up, and he's still uncomfortable.

_Michael walked through the empty school hallway, not sure where everyone was or any of his stuff for that matter, but he kept walking. Taking his headphones off, he stopped and looked around. Nothing. No sound of teachers talking in classrooms, no soft electricity buzzing coming from the fluorescents, not a single noise. Taking deep breaths, Michael realized he couldn’t even hear his own breathing. When he tried to speak, his throat filled with water, drowning out any words he could have said. Panic began to set in, the silence being too much for him. Stumbling backwards, Michael leaned against a set of lockers, trying to breathe at all, which was becoming a harder and harder task. His head felt fuzzy, the walls closing in on him, the lights getting brighter, swimming around his vision. Then the floor gave out and he fell._

 

Gasping, sitting upright, Michael looked around wildly, his vision blurry as it was in his dream. Movement distracted him from his initial panic as Jeremy sat up and rubbed his eyes, resting a hand on Michael’s shoulder.

“Michael? What’s wrong?” He yawned, blinking at him.

A breath he didn’t know he was holding escaped MIchael’s lungs and he felt much better already. 

“Nothing. Nightmare.” 

Jeremy nodded, and handed Michael his glasses, the cool metal grounding him even more. Slipping them on, the world became much clearer. Checking his phone, he saw it was about 2 in the afternoon. He had slept the entire day away, lying beside Jeremy, and boy did it feel great. If he could sleep like this all the time he would, but school called for a different schedule. 

Jeremy getting out of the bed cut off his thoughts, as he watched him pull his sweatpants back on and stretch in a cat-like manner. He turned around and held out his hand to Michael. 

“I’m hungry, let’s go eat.” 

Michael’s stomach flipped. He was not hungry, and especially not now. Jeremy should have known that Michael wouldn’t eat anything, even if he was sitting with him. Suppressing the urge to roll back over, he took Jeremy’s hand and walked with him upstairs. Michael knew his mother would be out at work until six tonight, and thankfully a note on the fridge let him know that his other mother was out at a listing with a client, so she would be out late as well. Jeremy made hi way into the kitchen, opening cabinets and the fridge to gather things to make cereal. He poured two bowls as Michael scrolled through instagram. Once Jeremy sat down beside him at the bar, he set his phone down, watching Jeremy. 

The taller boy was texting somebody, the spoon hanging out of his mouth while he concentrated. Michael assumed his father did not know where Jeremy had gone and was concerned, prompting such a long paragraph to be sent back explaining why his son had just disappeared. Before Michael could get too far into reading over his boyfriend’s shoulder, Jeremy locked his phone and turned to look at Michael, his eyes worried. 

“Michael, please eat something.” His voice was soft, laced with worry. 

“..Jer..” Michael turned away, looking down at the cereal, untouched and soggy in the bowl. 

“..I’m not hungry..” It stayed silent for a few more moments before he heard Jeremy slide off the stool, grab both of the bowls, and dump them down the sink. 

Michael did not move. 

He expected Jeremy to take his seat beside him again, or try to get him to eat, or bombard him with questions, something. But Jeremy only walked past him, to the living room and sat on the couch. Confused, Michael got up and walked over to the couch as well. Jeremy was on his phone again, tapping away at something Michael couldn’t really make out. He decided to sit down beside him, and maybe Jeremy would explain then. So he took a seat, a small distance away, and stared at his hands in his lap. It was quiet, but not the choking silence of his dream. He could handle this silence. 

He thought he could handle it, but after about ten minutes of no talking, he was getting antsy. The air conditioner had turned off and on again, and he was tired of listening to the sound. 

“Jeremy.. I’m sorry that-” What could he say? He had explained the situation to his boyfriend, what else could he do? 

“Michael, don’t be sorry. I..I understand that you aren’t happy with yourself. I’m not happy with myself either, yaknow. But-.. I just-.. I don’t know. Y-you scared me. A lot, and when you didn’t answer my calls, or my t-texts I… I thought the worst.” His voice dropped, his phone long forgotten. Michael stole a glance up, and Jeremy was shaking slightly, his legs crossed under him and his hands picking at a stray thread on the cushion. “I don’t know how to help you like yourself, but I’m going to try.” Jeremy voice had came back more confident, like he had made his mind and was sure about the decision. 

“You shouldn’t have to. It’s not your responsibility.” Michael mumbled back, opening and closing his fist. 

“I want to. I love you Mikey. I want you to love yourself like I do.” 

Jeremy shifted over and held Michael’s hand in his, the coolness a nice contrast to Michael’s own body heat. 

“I love you too Jer.. Thanks.” And for the first time in a while, Michael felt something other than empty. It was small, but a stirring of emotion underneath his skin that made him thankful to have found Jeremy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry about all this sad shit, i wanted to make another chapter where things sorta get better for the boy. he's not okay yet, but jer is gonna help him as much as he can. any requests or anything lemme know cause i like writing but have no ideas rn. let me know what u thought, thanks. <3


End file.
